literature

Zero Hour: Part Two

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Part Two: Encountering The Impossible

Batmaster flew all over the North Seeker, searching for troublesome criminals. In the space of two hours, she stopped a brawl outside a nightclub, chased down a mugger before tying him to a pole and even pulled two men from a horrific car crash -- all done with very few people seeing her.

She did not want to become popular and seen as the hero of Seeker City. Stick to the shadows, she told herself, be a ghost, a phantom. Be silent, be swift and sneaky and most importantly, follow your instincts and use your powers for good and never hurt an innocent being without reason. Use your senses; they are your most valuable weapon in the fight against evil.

"Bats!" She heard her name being called and turned her head to see a small dark shape flap towards her. She pulled herself upright and flapped her wings softly to keep afloat when the small brown bat stopped in front of her. These fruit bats were useful creatures, good friends of hers too. She gave them good food and in return, they did surveillance on the city for her. Not all were happy to do it for her, however, but about ten or so of them were more then happy to watch the city, talk to her and in general, becoming good friends with her. Talking to bats was kind of useful, after all.

The bat stopped a few inches from her face, and in its native animal tongue, it spoke. "My brothers have reported a strange man walking along Cheri Road to head to Coast Park. He appears to be following a slightly intoxicated woman who was leaving a party. Seemed suspicious to me."

Batmaster gazed at her comrade before she nodded her head once and flipped in the air to dive down to the streets. According to her watch, it was around 3am, the time where parties, pubs, clubs and bars began to shut down and disperse its patrons. A very dangerous time for those who chose to wander alone through the streets. North Seeker might seem like the safer place to live, but in reality, its scum were just sneakier.

And some say a lot worse.

Batmaster reached the park and descended quickly into a tree right in the centre. It functioned as a large social gathering place, similar to perhaps Central park in New York, with a creek and large fountain in the centre, many trees, flowers and other plants, all with a wide cobblestone path running through it. Looked quite nice during the day, but at night, it looked like a menacing place to be.

Batmaster landed a little clumsily in the tree, but grabbed onto a thick branch above her head to steady herself. She folded her wings in behind her back to prevent them from becoming a hassle and climbed down noiselessly before she dropped down into the tree's shadow. Her longs ears twitched as she heard somebody coming and she ducked behind the tree before peeking out from behind it.

Walking, no, make that stumbling, over the bridge was a blonde in her early twenties. Typical. Blonde hair, designer clothes, expensive bag and looking oh-so-classy with a bottle of alcohol half empty in the other. She took a swig of the small bottle before tossing it into a bin nearby. It hit the edge and bounced onto the grass and Bats heard her sigh and swear before putting her high heels that she carried in one hand down and bent down to pick it up, before she slipped on the grass and fell on her face.

"Here, let me help you," a creepy but smooth voice called from near her and a man emerged out of the blackness of the bridge (well, blackness for a human), dressed in a trench coat and jeans, a black fedora hat tipped down over his head to shield his eyes. He kept one hand in his pocket and, judging from the way he keep readjusting his grip on whatever he held in it, Batmaster guessed it was a weapon. He walked over to the girl, glancing left and right, but missing the Batmaster as she stayed behind her tree. She unfolded her wings and began to sneak up behind them, crouching, and staying low to the ground.

"Why… Why, thank you, sir," the tipsy girl replied as the man helped her up, his free hand on hip as he assisted her up. The other arm came out, clenching a long and deadly looking knife. He smirked as he flipped it in his hand, to have the blade facing up before he pulled it back and prepared to thrust it into her hip.

Batmaster moved just as he turned his head to see what the noise was. She raced forward like an arrow being released from a bow and grabbed the arm which held the knife and pulled him forward. The woman spun to the ground, fortunately landing on the soft grass, while Bats spun the man with epic strength and threw him against a tree. He made an 'oomph' noise and rolled his head about, dazed from the impact. Batmaster pulled him up by the collar, staring at him with fury. She despised men who preyed on defenceless woman, attacking them like animals and stealing their dignity, even their innocence, all for their personal cravings and desires. Worse then that were those men who chose to steal their young lives away, leaving the loved ones of the victim to wonder why their daughter, niece, sister or even mother was targeted for such a brutal crime.

Batmaster wanted to beat him to a pulp, to make him bruise, to make him bleed, to make his eyes roll back in his skull as he was pummelled by fists, feet and wings. She wanted to here him beg for mercy, for him to feel like he was one of those women.

But she didn't kill. Injure somewhat severely at times, but never kill. As the man opened his eyes and stared at the horrid figure glaring at him with her upper lip raised, revealing fangs,  he panicked, squirmed and tried to stab her. Behind her, she heard the wind pick up, but she ignored it and focused on the potential rapist. The aim was clumsily and Bats grabbed the hand that swung at her and squeezed his wrist until he gasped and pain and dropped the knife, before slamming him, harder this time, into the tree and leaving him slumped against it.

She ripped a shred of fabric from his shirt before putting his wrists above the tree, winding the make-shift bound around them and the tree. She stabbed the knife high above it, out of reach for him, and hoped someone would find him.

Job done, Batmaster glanced at her watch. It was 3:30, so the sun would rise quite soon. Above her, in the glorious night-sky, the golden fruit-bats of the city flew overhead, lower then normal. They were squawking and chirping in their language, but it was too piercing for Bats to decode. So she didn't hear the warning until it was too late.

She turned and to her surprise, the girl was gone. Batmaster glanced up and down the path, but there was no way she could have moved that fast without noise. She was too drunk! But the answer, literally, came to her.

Skidding to a stop, a figure clad in black, white and blue clothing came before her as she looked down at the far exit of the park. She looked young, perhaps around fifteen or sixteen, and featured long blonde hair. Her eyes looked like white but that was probably from the pure black mask she wore. She had long boots/ sneakers on, white leggings, a black skirt, and white long-sleeved shirt with grey gloves adoring her arms, as well as a long cape with a hood. Little blue lighting bolts were on her costume and a simple image of a snowflake on her chest.

Batmaster froze and stared at the girl, observing her. Was she… was she another hero? Three bats that flew in the flock above her barrelled down to circle her, before perching in the tree to observe the drama before them. She kept her wings at the ready, ready to flee and take flight at the nearest sign of hostility or drama. This girl was just a kid! She didn't want to hurt her unnecessarily…

Frosty, aka Ashley Carter, she too stared at the being before her. It was it, her she meant, the one called the Batmaster! She wasn't as scary as she imagined, just the wings and grey ears were a little overwhelming. Her costume was a little rough, dark black  jeans, padded, a darker-grey (nearly black) light-weigh bulletproof-chest armour plate with shoulder pads, long black gloves that came to her elbows and a simple black mask that appeared to me shaped like a bat head covering her eyes. A symbol, a black bat head with fangs and slanted, red eyes, was on her chest. Frosty's eyes flickered to her belt, where all kinds of compartments lay. Cool! She thought, maybe she can share some of her tools! Or even we can become allies, partners even!

Batmaster saw the girl thinking and saw her chance. In a split second, she crouched low and pushed off with her powerful legs, beating with her strong wings to send her into the air.

"Hey, wait, come back!" she heard the girl yell out but she kept flying, following the bat flock towards South Seeker.

Frosty kicked a rock with her feet with a small frustrated scowl on her face. She glanced at the drunken girl, now resting on the ground near the entrance of the park, asleep or fainted; she wasn't too sure, even with the goofy half-smile that had formed on the woman's face. The ambulance sirens grow closer as well as the police sirens. Not willing to be caught, Frosty took off in a fast blur of colour.

Frosty had to admit that the Bat (as she now tended to call her) was good at what she did. She was fast, silent and agile. She moved without noise, and when she did, it was too late for them to hear her. She knocked them out before they could react, forced the bad dudes to drop their weapons whether it seemed to be guns, knives or whatever else they held. Her wings were powerful, giving her an extra burst of speed when she needed it. But she highly doubted that she was faster then herself.

This thought intrigued her. What if she caught up to the Batmaster and even talked to her? She could gain super-secret information on her! She would pass that report with flying colours!

But what if the Batmaster was not indeed a hero, but a hired goon to take down the rival gangs? Of course, the big guy was not on her side, but she did manage to hit the small band of thugs that had attacked the bank.

Well, she decided, she wouldn't know until she talked to her so that was the first thing on her list. Frosty ran along the streets, a mysterious flash of colour that the naked eye couldn't see. Above her, the bat flock flew towards South Seeker and a large shape emerged from them. A lone bat flew towards the Batmaster and nuzzled its head under her chin before rejoining the flock. The Bat, however, took off in another direction towards a big warehouse. Frosty grinned. Now was her chance to catch the bat.

Batmaster landed on the rooftop, panting. She was strong and fit, but still tired like any other human. She rested quickly and briefly, for soon she had to fly towards her 'home' and sleep, before rising in the morning to become like everyone else in this city -- human, or at least partly.

The whistling of the wind caught her attention and she stood and turned in the direction of which she heard it, just as she heard something (or someone) and then with a flash, the girl who she saw at the park was in front of her. But how the hell did she get here so fast?

Frosty saw the Batmaster straighten out her body and flare her wings, a distinct frown on her face. She didn't say anything though and this annoyed Frosty. She was such a talkative person, she was told, so when she spoke to someone who barely talked or not at all, she felt rude, obnoxious and sounded like a brat. The Batmaster's eyes narrowed and she saw them for the first time, a deep gold pupil with a slightly narrowed iris. Scary looking things.

Batmaster sighed and for the first time that night, she spoke, "Who are you and what do you want?"

Her voice was not what Frosty expected. It was soft, sweet and sounded like it should belong to a young girl with a head full of curls, a beaming smile and a hand holding a lollipop. Not at all childish, but it sounded so innocent that Frosty wasn't sure she heard it right.

Frosty drew herself up and began to talk, nervously, "Um, hi!" The Bat's face turned into a scowl but Frosty refused to let that stop her and kept talking. "So, you're The Batmaster?" Obviously, idiot,! Frosty yelled at herself but she kept going. "I'm Frosty, super speed and ice girl extraordinaire. So, I was, like, wondering if we could work together at some point?" She paused; the conversation was flowing now and staring to get good now. "Because, y'know, we're both heroes and you're obviously awesome at what you do already, but why not have an extra two hands to help you? I'm sure we would be great!" She chuckled at herself and glanced at the Bat, grinning.

Batmaster gazed at the teenager. Was she being serious? Batmaster was a freak, an outcast, a loner. Not built to work with others. Besides, this girl was just a kid, probably untrained too. So what if she could move at superspeed? Batmaster needed stealth, not an obvious brat who could blow her cover.

Frosty tapped her foot impatiently. "Well?" she demanded.

Batmaster growled and Frosty took a step back shocked. Bats sighed before she answered firmly. "No."

Frosty's eye twitched under her mask. "No?" she repeated in disbelief.

Batmaster nodded her head. "You'll just get in the way," she told her, her voice ringing with an unknown authority.

Frosty gave a snort. "I'll run circles around you before you can even get a punch in!" she replied. "I'm twice as fast as you are."

Batmaster's eyebrows cocked and she smirked. This girl was arrogant about her powers, was she then? Well, let's see how she goes then with this trick Batmaster has up her short sleeve…

She stretched out her wings, as far as they go and bent her knees slightly, giving her opponent the impression that she was about to fly. Frosty crouched down and assumed a position from which she could gain top speed once she took off, ready to follow and catch the Bat once more. However, she wasn't expecting what the Batmaster was about to do.

Batmaster jumped into the air and beat her great wings once, and Frosty ran, but the sheer power of the wings created a rippling wave of air. It came at Frosty and the impact was like hitting a brick wall and she crumpled before flying back into the edge of the building. She felt the air disperse around her and she glanced at Batmaster, panting. Her wings had dropped down to a smaller size and she was glaring at Frosty.

"Stay away from me, Frosty," she warned, before sprinting to the opposite edge of the warehouse and calling over her shoulder. "You don't know who you're messing with!"

And with that, she dived into the dark night and soared away towards the cliffs of South Seeker, leaving a disgruntled and disappointed Ashley Carter behind.


:iconbatmasterandfrosty:

Part 2 of my new story, Batmaster's Adventure! Here, she meets Frosty, another hero who has super speed and ice powers..

Next: <a [link]">Part Three
Previous: Part One

The character Batmaster and this story belongs to :iconhaz-za: (ME)
Frosty belongs to :iconnicknie121:

Legally copyrighted. You may not reproduce this in any form.
Copyright :: All Rights Reserved
Registered :: 2012-06-24 08:41:06 UTC
Title :: Batmaster and Frosty: Zero Hour
Category :: Literature
Fingerprint :: 198639e37a987e9bb6d470acd7d8fb9ca0d0ec0cd93cac3c3999baf0d19d346b
MCN :: CCB5Y-PBRQ6-N3LQG
© 2011 - 2024 Tae-Rai
Comments11
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0hgravity's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Impact

I really like this Frosty character. I think she will add a nice dynamic to the story. It is a good way to explore further Batmaster's character.

I liked the little bat helpers as well, that was a nice touch.

Now,

this is in need of some heavy editing. Many of the sentences were too long, some parts didn't flow. There was a lot of telling instead of showing.

I'll try to make general suggestions, again because this isn't the only part. When you go back to edit this I'd keep these pointers in mind.

First,

you mixed up 'then' and 'than' several times. Watch out for that.

I saw a lot of 'and' as well as a lot of commas. I suggest making use of semi-colons or even just a period. It is important to vary sentence length.

Watch out for subject-verb agreement as well as keeping consistent with verb tense.

As I stated in my other critique be careful not to just list out physical descriptions. At one point I saw a backslash like this was transferred straight from the brainstorming table.

This feels more like a early draft than a final piece. I highly recommend reading your works aloud. You will be amazed at how the flaws in your work will stand out to you. It's like magic, no joke. Not only does it help you catch grammatical/spelling errors, it is extremely useful for checking the flow of the piece and the logic of the story-telling.

Because you posted this months ago (according to the submitted date) you should be looking at this with fresh eyes which will help even more.

I think you have a good story here and as far as plot goes it was a natural continuation but the story would be much more enjoyable without the little blunders.

Hope this has been helpful. This is all my opinion (I'm only one person!) so you are welcome to use all, none, or some of my suggestions.

--#FeedbackFriends